This is the most asked topic from my family, old friends back home. And I get frustrated trying to explain it over and over again. They go: Why are you still studying? is motherhood/home life is not enough for you? Are you unhappy as a mom? What you study for? How can you combine the two things? Do your kids get enough of your time? why you need to work is your "husband" partner poor or greedy?....
First, it's very common here in Sweden for women to be independent regardless of partner status. All women/mothers work and some study to make use of maternity time (480 paid days per child for both parents to share.).Women and men are both expected to work and support themselves and stay financially independent even if married or in a cohabited relationship like in our case. The same thing goes for sharing home/kids' responsibilities, so this is not a "Cinderella/ Sugar daddy" story, as many of my relatives think XD.
I am going to get personal here because my homegirls do not believe that (Thanks not to government welfare but to the previous jobs through them I earned unemployment insurance union Kassa, which I pay monthly for until now.) I've always paid for my own personal need bills, like phone bills, health insurance, etc.. including my personal travel trips, dental care, and the super expensive Swedish driving license. We as partners share only household/family and expenses as well as travel expenses such as hotel accommodations. The lesson in this for my girls is that men and women shouldn't choose a partner as a caregiver, whether financially, or to laundry their clothes and feed them. One should be able to live normally and take care of themselves and sometimes their kids too even if the partner is no longer there.
If a mother/woman is strategic with her time and energy and puts it in the right place by:
- Put kid's needs as number one,
- Housework ever ends and no one appreciates it until they have to do it to Stop watching TV (schedule entertainment time)
- No staring at the mirror and comparing with other women on social media. Think less about appearance, flaws, and ways of betterment, and feel enough the way you are.
- Leave social media if you are not earning coins from it or learning something valuable.
- Replace the 40% or 60% focus (depending on what type of woman you are) from the things mentioned above with time for personal development and growth.
- Less worry about your partner. He will love/respect you, even more, when you love and make something of yourself. That will only make him and his kids proud. - Hind Toufga
The Swedish education system helps us all, and especially foreigners, with foreign education to collect points and make a new Swedish degree. Especially for foreign women in my age (Immigrant women my age rarely study further), they can get grants for studying to collect points. There is no limit in education here and people change work fields even later in life and study to become something else if they want to.
So since I got here I managed to collect lots of points from the art school, the cooking school and the "Swedish as a second language" courses which are different levels. I am at the final stage of the "Swedish literature" natives study during high school called SAS 1,2,3. With the fact that I am only getting older. I decided last year I had to take the advantage of pregnancy/maternity leave, the pandemic and since David is currently home-sharing responsibilities with me ( I do not like it when people say "helping me" because we planned to have a family together). I stacked a couple of courses at the same time between 2020-2022. Hopefully, by the time Alicia is 1 and a half and ready for kindergarten, I will be more than ready for the employment market and manage to get my work life together. I am currently studying:
1- Ux/UI interaction design ( The relationship between humans and machines) .. which is used in almost all electronics, cars, and machines we use daily.
2- The local game industry " Skill up program" is financed by the government to start new gaming companies in the region. This course is flexible and is stretched for one year until spring next year.
3- Swedish literature SAS 1 - Svenska 1.
Hopefully, by the time Alicia is 1.5 and ready for kindergarten. I will be more than ready for the employment market and manage to get my work life together.
My motherhood goal is not only to be there when children need love and care like food, baths, playtime act... My main goal is to be a role model and a good example to look up to. Both in accomplishing their goals and dreams, be independent women and how they can manage their home life in the future with whomever they are going to live with, from flatmates, colleagues....who know! or if they decided to make a family of their own. My job is to prepare them for life.
Posts
No comments