Photo from my favourite movie "Everything everywhere all at once"
Every Sunday I do my weekly super soul Sundays retreats, as usual, while Julia goes to her training and Alicia's noon nap, often around 11. Last Sunday I targeted my "subconscious monsters" and I even shared my vulnerable experience with my "close friends /soul tribe" on social (people who have depth and higher consciousness when it comes to these topics).
These inner subconscious monsters are in the form of my past fears and all emotions that I refused to face, acknowledge and accept. For example abandonment, unrequited love and conditional love, school bullying and racism as a Moroccan immigrant kid in Libya. Letting loved ones down as well as feeling unworthy at times, losing self-respect and neglecting my personal needs by distracting myself and putting myself in bad situations.
The meditation was so so deep and overwhelming but it gave great results. I faced all my monsters one by one, all came as waves and I loved the feeling, it was bittersweet. A few minutes later I started receiving SMSes randomly, first from bestie Lina at 11:11 she wrote; This is a sign I love you hehe... It's a meme we used to joke and laugh about (people who take 11:11 as a universe synchronicity sign). Then at 11:19, my mother sent a random heart message thanking me for something I did for her a long time ago. And last but not least our neighbour drove Julia home from her Sunday training with a bottle of champagne gift to me for my recent high grades in history, literature, biology, physics and chemistry... I did not know that meeting my monsters will result in a "salute" celebration hahaha... I have to keep this monster meeting tradition going every Sunday.
So here is my "meeting my monsters" process:
Being aware of our feeling, letting them come up, staying with them, and letting them run their course without wanting to make it different or do anything about it.
Simply to let the feeling be there. And to focus on letting out the energy behind it. The first step is to allow yourself to have the feeling without resisting it, fear in it condemning it or moralizing about it it means dropping judgment and seeing that it is just a feeling. Be with the feeling as it is and surrender all efforts to modify it in any way.
Let go of wanting to resist the feeling it is the resistance that keeps the feeling going. When you give up resisting or trying to modify the feeling it will shift to the next feeling and be accompanied by a lighter sensation. A feeling that is not resisted will disappear as the energy behind it disappears. As you begin to process you notice that you have fear and guilt over having feelings. There will be resistance to feelings in general. To let feelings come up, it is easier to let go of the reaction to having the feeling in the first place. A fear of fear itself is a prime example of this. Let go of the fear or guilt that you have about the feeling first and then get into the feeling itself.
A smile after crying it all out
When meeting the monsters ignore all thoughts and focus on the feeling itself, not on the thoughts. Thoughts are endless and self-reinforcing. Thoughts are merely rationalizations of the mind to try to explain the presence of the feeling. The real reason for the feeling is the accumulated pressure behind the feeling that is forcing it to come up in the moment. The thoughts or external events are only an excuse made by the mind. As we become more familiar with letting go, it will be noticed that all negative feelings are associated with our basic fear related to survival and that all feelings are merely survival programs that the mind believes are necessary.
To be surrendered means to have no strong emotions about the thing, it's okay if it happens and it's okay if it doesn't when we are free, there is no letting go of attachment. We can enjoy a thing, but we don't need it for our happiness. There is a progressive diminishing of the dependence on anything or anyone outside of ourselves.
Sometimes we surrender a feeling and notice that it returns or continues, This is because there is more of it yet to be surrendered. We have suffered these feelings all of our lives and there can be a lot of energy pushed down that needs to be come up and be acknowledged. when surrendering occurs, there is an immediate lighter happier feeling almost like a (high) by continuously letting go it is possible to stay in that state of freedom. Feelings come and go and eventually, you realize that you are not your feelings. But that the real you is merely witnessing them. You stop identifying with them. The (you) that is observing and is aware of what is happening always stays the same.
As you become more and more aware of the changes within all the changeless witnesses within you begin to identify with the level of consciousness and may become progressively primarily the witness rather than the experience or phenomena. You get closer and closer to the real self and begin to see that you had been duped by feeling all along you threw that you were the victim of your feelings now you see that they are not the truth about you about yourself. They are merely created by the eagle that collector or programs which the mind has mistakenly believed are necessary for survival.
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