I finished the book last night and I wanted to have these precious words from the book, documented in my blog, for me, my daughters, readers and perhaps my daughters' children one day..As I mentioned in one of my recent posts, a conversation with my bestie Katrin about breaking the family pattern ( A pattern breaker role ) in the current generation is a significant and challenging role. It requires lots of self-control to and a high level of awareness to not repeat the previous patterns given to us by our parents/ancestors.
Healing our relationships with our family perhaps we had a father/mother who considered us to be his property, like a house a sum of money or a car. If we had a father/mother like this he/her may have thought he could do anything with us because we were his child. He/she didn't think of us as a person a human beings with the right to think to act and to follow what we believe to be beautiful good and true. He/she only wanted us to follow the path he had traced for us why are some fathers/mothers like that there are fathers/mothers with different capabilities of treating their children with a lot of respect as free-living beings.
If our father/mother treated us badly maybe it's because he/she was unlucky, his education and environment did not teach him how to feel or express love and understanding. If we blame him if he wants to punish him they will suffer more that's all we can't help him that way, when we understand them as unlucky our anger toward our father/mother dissipates. Our father/mother becomes someone who needs our love rather than our punishment. Of course, we need to keep ourselves safe and not be around our father if he's physically or emotionally damaging to us. But running away from my father/mother will only increase suffering for both of us.
If we don't practice being mindful with our parents, we create hell for each other. whenever parents and children fight, the children lose because children are not supposed to speak back with the language used by their parents. The parents beat their children but the children cannot beat their parents. They could have abused their children with words that children cannot do because they cannot express the violence they have received. Instead, they get sick, and the violence they receive stays within them and seeks a way to get out a way to be expressed.
As a young person, we don't treat ourselves well and we hurt ourselves it's because we have no other way of expressing the violence in us, we are the victims of the violence we have received from our parents and from society. Our parents were not wise enough to keep their violence from their children even if they intended to love us and make us happy. I know of a young man who study medicine his father was a doctor the young man sounded like someone of the younger generation who promises to himself that he will be different from his father but when he became a father he did exactly the same thing his father had done to him. He shouted at his children and criticize them daily.
As children, we vowed to do the opposite of what our fathers did, but just when we have children of our own we often repeat the habits of our parents which is the wheel of Samsara . The continuation of life suffering from generation to generation. We practice mindfulness/medetation in order to cut through that wheel, to stop our habits and prevent them from affecting our relationship with our children.
Both generations must recognize the violence that is destroying us and destroying the people we love,both parties have to seek the path of deep look because both generations are just victims. The children think they are victims of their parents and the parents think they are victims of the children we continue to blame each other we don't accept the fact that violence is inside of both of us.
Instead of fighting each other, we should come together as parents and children partner and partner to find a way out, just because we've suffered doesn't mean we have to continue to make each other suffer. So we each suffered very much as a result of the same causes therefore we should be allies rather than enemies. The amount of suffering enough is enough to instruct us how not to make the same mistake.
The Buddha said, "whatever has come to be practised" ...looking deeply into our nature, once we begin to understand its nature "how is come to be" then we are already on our path of liberation. The partner have to come to partner, friend has to come to friend, mother has to come to daughter..... together we agree on the fact that both of us have suffered that both of us have violence hatred and afflictions inside instead of opposing and blaming each other we should help each other and practice together with the help of a teacher and our community.
# Mindful parenting, breaking samsara wheel generation patterns..
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